I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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