you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
