So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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