I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Randomize
