Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
