ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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