Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
