I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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