In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize