do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
