I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
