he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
