i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
