I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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