Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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