The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
