And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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