WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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