hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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