Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I want to be your penis for a week.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
