Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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