3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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