she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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