so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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