He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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