We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
