there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he was CRYING into my vagina
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
