Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
