I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
