the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
