Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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