5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
