youre lurking in front of me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
