im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
