the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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