Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You ruined the universe
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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