he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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