i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
