so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
