I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
