i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
