I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
