meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My cat gives me a boner
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
