Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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