i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
