i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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