So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
