I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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