He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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