great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
