The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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