omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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