I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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