So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
