woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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