Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
