It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
