you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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