i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
