It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
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Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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