I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
