Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
