Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Houston, we have a squirter
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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