im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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