I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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