you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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